Thursday, November 13, 2014

The Other Guys

Shiny hair.
Perfect skin.
Sparkly smile.
Woodland creatures helping with the chores.
There’s no telling me otherwise, these are the things that other bloggers have that I wish I had.
Aside from the mythical qualities, there are a lot of skills that I think (read: project on to) other bloggers have that I wish I had, among them: Organization. Focus. Expertise.
You should see my house. But you won’t because I will only have you over when I can tame the clutter beast that dwells within. The window of opportunity is narrow: about every 6 months for my kids’ birthday parties. If you’re invited over any other time, consider yourself family.
Now, I realize that neatness (or lack thereof) doesn’t have any correlation to my success plunking at the keyboard and spewing out my inane thoughts to the world (and perhaps just the opposite). But then there is The Guilt.
Fella is accustomed to a fairly orderly life. His mom is a phenomenally organized person and can find the perfect place for everything to live. She has at times left me awestruck at the simple solutions she finds that are right in effing front of us the whole time! So, neat and tidy is what Fella knows and likes. And I feel guilty taking time away from housely duties to write my life away, so far for naught.
So if I’m going to make this into anything more than “for naught,” I have to get my shit together and really organize a way to do that! I was never ever one for outlining a paper before I sat to write it. Such things just came organically, if you will. So I feel like I have a disorganized mind, too, when it comes down to the strategic aspect of this blogging thing.
I can’t help it. It’s how my brain works. I have four tabs open on my internet browser and two documents. And I will tab through them all on a whim (or at a lull). It’s just the way it is. I’ll work for 10 minutes, then eff around for 15.
I’m not sure if it actually drove my last boss crazy (at least once he figured out that it’s just my modus operandi) or if it just irked this one particular woman in HR who one day told on me for being on the internet so my boss had to make an example of me. Seriously. It happened. We’re grown-ups.
Ooh! Shiny!
It’s not like I have an attention disorder, I just have an active mind. And along with that, sometimes there are a lot of incoherent things rambling around upstairs. And I’m wordy. When I still wrote my childhood friend letters, which was well into high school, I sent pages upon pages detailing the goings on in my life. Absolute novellas.
So between worrying about what to write and agonizing over how much to write, somewhere in between I lose my focus.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Jill-of-all-trades, master of none. This is also apparently a personality trait (I took a test that told me so). I learn just enough about a thing to be conversant, but I don’t have the interest to really delve into the nooks and crannies. It’s a wonder I made it through law school at all.
So it’s hard for me to sit down and write about things with authority when all I feel I do is dabble. Even if that is just the way I am.
ALL that said, this is what my blog is all about. A life of learning and growing. Acknowledging my weaknesses among my strengths and figuring out how to overcome them. This is my Life In Training.

1 comment:

  1. Oh I have been down this road! I have a few things I can email you that eventually helped be. They may not be yours but it might be the thing to get it started.

    I still feel guilty about not being suzy homemaker over here. If my mother saw the state I am leaving her house in while watching it she would shudder, but dreams don't wait for dishes.