Friday, November 7, 2014

Looking a Gift Horse in the Mouth


It’s what everyone wants, right? All your feelings wrapped up in understanding and tied with a neat bow.

I got a good chunk of closure this week. Although I couldn’t help wondering: is this that part of the 12-step program where we’re making amends? It was certainly cathartic as is unfolded.  I mean, it made me cry a little.

So why do I want to return this unexpected little gift? Am I so broken inside that when one little chamber of hurt is repaired, my heart goes into rejection? Don’t I want to feel whatever the opposite of hurt is?

I had long ago made peace with the situation, which I guess I thought was my closure. But in reality, I just shut up the room where this hurt lived and sealed it off, hoping to never feel from it again. And maybe that’s what I’m processing – the feeling of an old wound finally given the right treatment to heal.

It leaves me wondering: what would happen if actually tried to heal all of the sealed chambers in my heart? (There are a lot of them).

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