Closure.
It’s what everyone wants,
right? All your feelings wrapped up in understanding and tied with a neat bow.
I got a good chunk of
closure this week. Although I couldn’t help wondering: is this that part of the
12-step program where we’re making amends? It was certainly cathartic as is
unfolded. I mean, it made me cry a
little.
So why do I want to
return this unexpected little gift? Am I so broken inside that when one little
chamber of hurt is repaired, my heart goes into rejection? Don’t I want to feel whatever the opposite of
hurt is?
I had long ago made peace
with the situation, which I guess I thought was my closure. But in reality, I
just shut up the room where this hurt lived and sealed it off, hoping to never
feel from it again. And maybe that’s what I’m processing – the feeling of an
old wound finally given the right treatment to heal.
It leaves me wondering:
what would happen if actually tried to heal all of the sealed chambers in my
heart? (There are a lot of them).
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