So About That Training Thing...

Originally posted Tuesday, November 22, 2016

When I first started this blog, my intent was to track my successes and failures training for a 5K run. I would follow the trusty Couch to 5K training program and in no time at all I would be a runner! There was only one problem: my body. It didn't want to cooperate with my surefire plan. Like, at all.

I think I've attempted the Couch to 5K ramp-up three times. Each time, one of my body parts said: "uh-uh, fool." One time it was a foot. The other two times, a knee. And all three times, my brain fought me tooth-and-nail.

Apparently, I do not have the mentality to be a runner. Despite my romantic desire to be a runner.

So out the window went the original intent of Life In Training. That's not to say I gave up on my fitness...erm, goals (I use the term loosely) but just as we all must adapt to our physical limitations, so did this space.

I've belonged to the local YMCA for close to eight years now. Attendance was irregular, as the demands of work and home ebbed and flowed. Once I was no longer working outside of the home, I was able to get back in with some regularity.

I'm not sure who recommended it, or if I just stumbled upon it, but around Thanksgiving three years ago, I took a Circuit Training class. I'd been introduced to the concept of circuit training some years earlier, although in an open-gym environment, it was nearly impossible to execute. Inevitably some rando was on the next weight machine in my circuit, using it at his leisure. Plus, the bit about alternating between cardio and weight training exercises was never really a mental hurdle I could surmount (Yep, I'm totally going to run in place here for 45 seconds before moving on to the next station that's being eyeballed by that random dude over there. Totally.)

But this Circuit class blocks off the entire hour (I think at the time, it was more like 45 minutes) to use the area in the gym. So if you want to use the equipment in the area, you join the class or wait until it's over. If some rando is in the way, he gets the boot! And it forces the alternating issue because that's how we do! And it was in no way intimidating like some group fitness can be.

I became a devotee for awhile. After awhile, the trainer who spearheaded the Circuit class at the Y talked my into trying the Tabata/High Intensity Interval Training (HIIT) class, which was even shorter in duration and the first time I took it almost puked (so you know it had to be good!) But timing was an issue so it didn't stick.

Then a wave of introversion engulfed me, during which I didn't much feel like being in a group fitness setting. Because group = social and I was not feeling it. And then too much life happened and things just didn't work out (ultimately, yours truly) and before I knew it was 2016 and I spent the greater part of the late winter/early spring in a dark corner of my mind, but vowed to pull myself out after Easter. You know, like resurrect some dead part of me. You know, like, WWJD?

So April 4th was the day. I got myself to the Y and took what was formerly a bootcamp class, re-branded as Outside the Box (OTB), and earmarked as a track to Crossfit. And it was good. Really fucking hard, but good. Come the end of the month, I let another OTB'er talk me into another Crossfit track class: Body Conditioning.

"It's [trainer's] birthday. It'll be fun!" she said. It was not and she apologized for her naivety, but I survived and even came back to it on Fridays.

Life started interfering again, as it does, so I'm not able to show up as much as I would like. But throughout this process--this training, I have of course become physically stronger, as expected. What I didn't expect was how it would strengthen me from the inside. To have people I hardly knew cheering for me and at times running along side of me, long after their workout is complete, as I am routinely the last person finishing the most grueling of workouts. And it has built and strengthened a number of friendships as we slog through day after day, week after week.

So today, I am thankful for my YMCA. For the community that I have found there and the challenges that I have faced there. Even if I still haven't metamorphosed into that runner I always fantasized about.

Oh, Hey Friday

I almost didn't see you there. It's movie night tonight, although we almost didn't make it. Fridays are probably my toughest of the week, but for very different reasons than they might have been after I grew accustomed to the mantra "Thursday starts the weekend" in college. The Mayor doesn't have school, so it's an extra challenge to keep both children off the streets and out of trouble occupied. So I use up all of my allotted babysitting time at the gym and sometimes, like today, I enlist the help of grandparents.

Despite my village playing a major role in my Fridays, by the end of the day I'm done. And tonight, after the Mayor had used up the last of my patience complaining about how awful dinner smelled, a family movie night was the last thing I wanted to do. Thank goodness it was Miss Thang's first time seeing Toy Story and she is absolutely giddy over it.

So my "Mikey Likes It" kid is no more. The Mayor used to eat just about anything. Now the mere smell of something fishy makes him something of a king crab. And it was especially bad today since I not only cooked for us at dinner, but this morning I made a batch of today's recipe to bring to friends, so it was an all day affair with the accompanying histrionics from the Mayor.

Which brings us to our No Meat Friday recipe this week: Crab Chowder! And it's almost Paleo and totally Whole30 compliant!

The impetus for this recipe is one that my mom tipped me off to a number of years ago from none other than Paula Deen. It was quick, easy, and damn delicious. But now that I've moved away from processed foods, I want a version that doesn't include canned condensed soups, which kinda creep me out when I really think about them. Besides that, this translation is actually just as easy as the original (and to make it easier, I use a pre-chopped Mirepoix from the grocery store).

My biggest concern was residual coconut flavor if one is not acclimated to it, but my guinea pigs friends report that the soup was "delicious!!" (Exclamation points original).

Crab Chowder

2 T ghee/clarified butter

3 carrots, chopped

3 celery stalks, chopped

1/2 onion, chopped

2 small potatoes (white or gold), diced

1 cup vegetable broth or stock

3 cloves garlic, minced

Hot sauce, to taste (I used about 6 dashes of Tobasco)

Salt & Pepper, to taste

16 oz high quality crab meat

2 cans coconut milk (full fat) or coconut cream

2 tsp dried parsley

Heat ghee in a 3-qt pot. Add carrots, celery, and onion; saute until slightly soft and onions are opaque; add garlic and season with salt & pepper and parsley; let saute until fragrant. 

Add potatoes and broth; bring to a boil and cook for about 10 minutes, until potatoes are just barely fork-tender. 

Add coconut milk and hot sauce. Bring to a boil, reduce heat, and let simmer for at least 10 minutes. Add crab meat and heat through, about 10 minutes.

Enjoy!

The Final Countdown!

Day 30.

DAY 30?!?!? I made it? The end is nigh?

The last 30 days (OK, 29 ½-ish at time of writing) are behind me. And I did it. I survived the Whole30®. Admittedly, I wasn’t a complete purist (nor am I made of money!; my bacon had sugar in it and my eggs were not pasture raised, except for the dozen a co-worker of Fella’s gifted to us for our anniversary—I need chickens!)

A feat in and of itself: I haven’t had chocolate in 30 days. CHOCOLATE! 30 DAYS! AND ONE OF THOSE WAS HALLOWEEN!!!

Alright, alright. You get it.

So after the question “what do you miss the most?” people are also very curious to know: “are you going to stick with it after you’re done?”

Maybe these people are just serial dieters. I’m a little bit of a serial dieter. I finally broke it off (for good!) with Weight Watchers® a couple of years ago. I purged YEARS of program materials into the recycling bin as recently as a couple of months ago. Seriously. I had stuff dating back to high school (not as far back as to my first foray into WW…in the 8^th grade, but that’s for another post entirely). So to them, this is just another “diet” to go on, get results, and revert back to “normal” rather than a dietary lifestyle.

So…what is next? More of the same (or at least similar)! Eating Paleo makes my body happy and I know this from previous experience. I will probably allow myself to incorporate some dairy and certain generally accepted sweeteners (although unsweetened applesauce and bananas worked wonders where recipes called for honey throughout the challenge).

What I really ought to focus on is my relationship with food. When things are good, I shouldn’t reward myself with crappy food (tomorrow notwithstanding). Nor should I soothe myself with it when things are not so good.

What has been the best part of the Whole30? Nobody but me has asked, but it’s that I feel like I’m cooking again. Like, really cooking. Not just throwing together a bunch of premade things together and calling it cooking. Troubleshooting when a recipe includes an ingredient that is verboten (I’m looking at you Worcestershire sauce!) Creative cooking. It’s great.

Will I do another Whole30? I’m not sure. Right now, I simply want to navigate through the holidays and do the least harm to the 30 days of progress I’ve made.

Well It's All Right, Even If You're Old and Gray

Does anyone really enjoy growing old? Of course I want to say I’m growing old gracefully, but am I really?

Instead of going gray, I took note from my grandma and started going blonder (and blonder!) at the first strand of silver. Lately, however, I’ve been wondering what my hair would look like au natural. What if silver makes for awesome highlights? I haven’t talked to my stylist about it, but that’s probably because I haven’t seen her for awhile...but that’s another story entirely.

I suppose that anti-aging isn’t the sole purpose that I use all of the creams and poultices that I do on my façade. But I have consciously switched moisturizers because of “fine lines” (moisture related, of course). And on occasion I have thought about how far ahead of the game I am compared to my mom. I mean, I think she was still sunbathing slathered in baby oil when I was Miss Thang’s age. Whereas…what’s sunbathing?

Not long ago, I was at the gym and noticed some older ladies (probably in their 60s). We were all going about our regularly scheduled workouts until it hit me: these ladies have the most uncomfortable looking bosoms. And omigod they’re me in mumblegrumble years! I decided then and there that I am having serious back and shoulder pain, such that I am in need of a breast reduction.  

And I must admit, I’ve already bought Glucosamine/Chondroitin. You know, the stuff that’s supposed to relieve joint pain and rebuild cartilage for old people? I was not kind to my body as a kid (I was a fat athlete, by most grown-ups' standards) and my joints have, at times, rebelled against me. But all the supplements in the world can’t make me remember to take them with regularity. (Is that stupid youth or early onset dementia?!)

Inside I really still feel like I’m still 24 (unless I’ve been out drinking like I’m 24 again). Although let’s face it: with age comes wisdom and I’m so grateful that I can say “If I only knew then what I know now….”

So, do I enjoy growing old or do I fight against it? Yes. And no. I’m not one to take drastic measures to turn back the hands of time, but I would like to make the most of the time that I do have in this life. And if that means smaller boobs here, a hip replacement there, then fight it is. 

And my grandma? After my mom's hair grew back in post-chemo and ditched the dye bottle, Gramma decided to let her hair go natural, too. It's perfectly white.

Learning to Love Myself

My mom’s group has recently started the Momnipotent study. This week’s episode started with this:

It reminds me a little of the time when I was single and trying the online dating thing. The site I was using at the time had you engage in compatibility Q&A prior to sharing your picture and personal information. Things were going fine until the question: How important are looks to you?

I couldn't even.

So I didn't. I closed my account, got my money back, and went on my way. Alone again.

The question was double edged for me. First, it could have meant that looks were important to the man asking. Second: And I? I was just average. Perhaps even slightly below average (a Perfect Four), depending on who you ask (me) and what mood they are in (insecure. Always insecure). Third, it could have meant that he was (heaven forbid) of even lower than slightly below average visage. And fourth, that it actually mattered to me. It was a sticky question that hit on all of my triggers. And, if memory serves, I was only able to answer Yes/No with no opportunity to explain. And there was plenty I could explain (clearly).

Did I digress?

So this Momnipotent session starts by asking about our self-worth as women and mothers. And this is definitely an area where I struggle.

Most of my life, I didn't feel lovable. I thought that if I could just find someone (not my family) to love me, hell even just "like" me, then I might be able to believe that I am lovable. That I am worthy of love. And for so.many.years. I went without.

And for just as many years--more, actually--I hated myself. I wanted to be someone (anyone!) else, so long as they were lovable.

Even since I've found the love of my life, the man who loves me back, I've continued to harbor this self-loathing. Because my exterior doesn't meet my definition of beautiful. I hate. I judge. I continue to fail.

And what's more, I have already seen the Mayor expressing that he doesn't feel lovable. And I know he has picked that up from me, whether or not I express it outwardly. These tiny human mirrors can pick up on the tiniest of details!

So it's time that I work harder to fix the broken me. It's time that I learn to love me, the whole me. The me that promoted me to my most coveted job and vocation in life: mom. The me who carried two beautiful, healthy babies with ease. It's time to believe that I am a beautiful and should treat myself as such.

What are ways you celebrate your beauty?

Off the Wagon

Yes, I fell off the wagon as soon as I tried getting back on it. But I know that exercise is a major missing link for me. My rate of attrition has taught me I should start moderately. And while I still want to train for a 5K, I think I need to trim down some first, for the benefit of my joints.

The last piece of the puzzle is to try to figure out where it best fits it into my schedule!

Here I Go Again

I was looking in the mirror this morning, as I made my 5th costume change before leaving for work, and realized that something has got to give. And that something is definitely me. So I will.

Tomorrow I start training again--Couch to 5K. A few months ago I was following this but forced to stop due to an injury. This time I hope the same doesn't happen again (and will take proper steps to avoid the same problem). And I'll track my progress here, hopefully to motivate me further.

Now I head to bed so I can make my fresh start bright and early. Well, at least early!